Untamed Heart

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There’s something about getting away from it all and learning to thrive in a new place for a while.  Before I left for Nashville, I never expected that it would be such a life-changing experience. I wasn’t expecting to come back with what felt like a new set of eyes, ears, and heart.  

CMC was such an interesting environment.  In all the brochures, they always advertised it simply and clearly:

“4 months in Nashville, TN.  24/7 music. Students who love music the way you do. $1 million in gear. 16 credit hours earned.”

Those short sentences can’t possibly describe the exhilaration that is The Contemporary Music Center.

I remember the moment I realized that music was all I had to do for 3 or 4 months. It was so incredibly freeing.  There was nothing distracting me. And with music being my whole life, it was just my heart, my music, and this hodge podge group of 28 people with which my life was becoming intertwined.  

This was no stale, white, music classroom with fluorescent lighting (which I might add did not exist in the CMC building because it tends to squelch creativity =D).  This was a jungle. A social experiment. A community. A family. No textbooks, no written assignments, no papers, no tests.  The only test for me, however, was whether or not I was going to take the risk.  The risk of opening my heart up to these 27 other people.  The risk of writing new songs.  The risk of bombing on stage. The risk of being completely rejected by this community and by the professors and wrestling with the wretched question…”Do I suck?”  Sounds quite harsh, but it was what we were all asking ourselves in the beginning. Haha.

I took the challenge. I immersed myself in it all, and after several weeks, I found myself walking tall. Singing loud and with a new raw intensity. Crying and laughing with my new friends.  Playing new styles on the piano that I never thought I’d play.  Writing songs that were about extreme pain and despair.  Writing songs about joy and excitement.  Going crazy with my makeup and hair, and stepping on stage with a humble confidence, and always performing at 120%. Entering a relationship with this guy who was so incredibly intriguing and attractive, who is more than I ever dreamed!  Speaking with truth and assertion, and never being afraid to let my heart go where it needed to go.

I let my heart go untamed, and it has been the most exciting journey. I can’t wait to see what happens next.

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